A whiff of reality
by Nameless killer
Summary: Because in Edo, killing zombies is just like killing aliens or humans. It's either you grow a pot on your belly or you die being uncool.


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Gintama or Left 4 dead --- but I own Right 4 dead :)

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**A whiff of reality  
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**I. THE WITCH**

"It's pathetic!" Gintoki exclaimed as he continued to browse at his Edobook updates. His eyes cringed at the sight of his Edobook friends, emphasizing how great and fun Right 4 dead is.

'_**Hitman Sougo 13 joined the campaign'**_

'_**I_kill_Kamui joined the campaign'**_

'_**Megane powaah joined the campaign'**_

'_**Taka_tin joined the campaign'**_

Kagura's gaze is too focused into the computer screen; her reply came a minute late. "Oldies like you can't appreciate modern gaming." She muttered a quiet curse under her breath as a horde approached her, with only a baseball bat at hand. She fought the zombies head on, filling the screen with blood.

"What's so good about shooting zombies, anyway? Kids nowadays, pot bellies are being a fad. It's not too long until you get one, Kagura-chan" Gintoki flinched at the sight of zombies, good thing Kagura was wearing a headphone; it prevented him from hearing the not so pleasurable moans of the undead. Logging out from his Edobook account, he stood up from the mat and paid at the counter. He sighed, that's another 50 yen off his wallet. Internet games are for madaos, he shrugged. He walked out of Kabukichou-netcafe and decided to head out in a Pachinko parlor

"TCH. Go back to your famicom days, bastard. Stop underestimating Right 4 dead!" the young yato girl shouted, not noticing the absence of her silver-haired companion.

**_'Don't shoot your teammates!!!'_**

**_ 'Don't shoot your teammates!!!' _**

**_'Don't shoot your teammates!!!'_**

"Oi China, are you blind? Stop shooting me"

**II. THE SMOKER**

"I'm feeling lucky today. I feel like eating sukiyaki tonight!" Gintoki grinned as he played pachinko. As usual, the parlor is filled with men testing their lucks, hoping to earn money instantly.

A strong smell of nicotine invaded his nostrils as he played. "This is a no smoking establishment, bastard. Read the sign or die, you're making my eyes cry", his voice was monotonous as he spoke without facing whoever was currently smoking on his right.

"Mind your own business, yorozuya"

It was then Gintoki glanced at his right. "Oh? Why is the dog-food eating vice captain of shinsengumi spending his time in a pachinko parlor,huh? Did your girlfriend break up with you,hm? Is the pay for Shinsengumi that low, huh?" he smirked mischievously as he continued to mock Hijikata.

Hijikata scowled but then retorted, "Hmph. The problem is, I have too much money to spend. I figured Pachinko is a good way to WASTE them". He took a whiff of his cigarette and sneered at Gintoki.

A huge vein throbbed at Gintoki's temples as the man on his right continued to boast on his monthly salary. Damn shinsengumi and their hefty salary. A thought popped out of his mind and his grin widened. "Why don't we play a game of bet, then?"

"Hmph. Why not? I have the money, the skills too, perhaps – depending on what is being set"

Gintoki muttered a very quiet 'cocky bastard' before putting up a fake cheerful appearance. "Hm, how about a game of poker?" He pulled a deck of cards under the sleeve of his half-worn yukata

The Shinsengumi vice-captain stood up and walked out of the Pachinko parlor, motioning Gintoki to follow suit. "Why not? I'll grab a bowl of mayo-rice while we're at it", he smirked and walked amidst the busy streets of Kabukichou.

Gintoki raised his brow in annoyance but followed the man, anyway. "Cocky bastard, I'll wipe that smirk off of your face soon --- _and your money, stupid_" he said, whispering the last part of his statement to himself.

"I'll be eating meat tonight~" the silver haired lad hummed happily as he followed Hijikata. A bowl of meat after a hard day of work surely motivated him to beat and cheat that fool.

"I'll be eating meat tonight, that's for sure"

**III. THE HUNTER**

'_**Choco_parfait" joined the campaign'**_

'_**Mayora 13 joined the campaign'**_

'_**I_kill_Kamui joined the campaign'**_

'_**Hitman Sougo 13 joined the campaign'**_

[I_kill_kamui] : Oh!! Gin-chan,! Did the moon shine on you? Have you realized how cool Right 4 dead is?

[Choco_parfait] : Shut up, I'm here for the money. This dog-food eater beside me can't just accept defeat.

[Mayora 13]: Defeat, my ass –you bastard! You cheated. SO, seeing that we're both newbies in this game --- I think this is a fair game. Whoever is killed first, loses the bet

[Hitman Sougo 13]: Ah, dog-food eater – I mean, vice captain. Huh? What's this,hmm? Slacking off?

[Mayora 13] : It's my day off, you bastard. You're the one who should be patrolling!!!

[Hitman Sougo 13] : I am patrolling --- here. See, I'm killing zombies

[I_kill_kamui] : Ah shut up, cherry boys. Let's just finish this stage already! Here comes the horde!

'_**Don't shoot your teammates!!!'**_

'_**Don't shoot your teammates!!!'**_

'_**Don't shoot your teammates!!!'**_

A charger rammed the front lines as Kagura and Okita were thrown back, Hijikata tried shooting the charger with his M16 assault rifle. No zombies were biting him, but his health gauge is getting yellow so someone must be shooting him from a distance "Oi! Gintoki, you bastard! Stop shooting me!"

"Ah sorry, my hand slipped" Gintoki's smile widened as he saw the damage dealt by his sniper rifle. Apparently, a smoker and a hunter can be heard from his headphone, he used the scope to scout around the perimeter, ignoring Hijikata's protests.

Hijikata scoffed, "That's bullshit" He focused his gaze on the computer screen and begun to shoot the infected zombies. After the horde attack, he pointed his magnum and P220 pistol at Gintoki's character and left-clicked the mouse.

**_'Don't shoot your teammates!!!'_**

**_'Don't shoot your teammates!!!'_**

**_'Don't shoot your teammates!!!'_**

"Sorry, friendly fire" Hijikata felt satisfied when Gintoki's health gauge became red.

"Why you!!!"

Two hours had passed and all four of them are still alive in the game. Even with Okita's 'accidental' firing of his grenade launcher to his comrades, they managed to finish three campaigns. Kagura's stomach rumbled violently, she paused her game for a while and dipped her hand to her pocket as she decided to buy some snacks. Her hand touched none other but the silk of her pants; she went to the counter and said, "Oji-san, that guy with the unusual permed hair said he'll pay my rate"

The old man tending the counter nodded his head in affirmation while Kagura grinned mischievously. "Ah! Also, can I have a bar of sukonbu? Put it on his tab". She exited the café with a smile on her face, and a huge bar of sukonbu at hand.

_**'I_kill_Kamui left the game'**_

Okita's case isn't much different from Kagura. He figured his eyes are going to be strained if he continued to play. He still wanted to fire the grenade launcher at that mayonnaise freak plus, it could only happen in this game and it's too fun to do. However, his fun had already been cut into half ever since the yato girl left the game, he enjoyed avoiding the bile bombs being thrown to him. He shrugged; rather than continue playing with the two old-timers, he decided to just annoy the yato girl before grabbing dinner with her.

"Oji-san, that smoker beside the silver haired man will pay for my rent" the old man nodded his head in response. Besides, it's normal to have someone pay for someone else's rate. Gamers would usually bet things like that.

**_'Hitman Sougo 13 left the game'_**

Maybe tonight, he'll get to see her reaction after eating a Tabasco flavored cake? He smirked sinisterly as he sprinted to follow Kagura.

Meanwhile, Gintoki and Hijikata were too absorbed into beating zombies that they didn't notice bots replacing Okita and Kagura. They might've noticed the switch minutes later but they decided not to fuss on it and get on with the game

After an hour of campaign without Okita and Kagura. The two struggled to complete campaigns as the bots were too stupid for their liking. They were too engrossed to the game, to the point where they forgot about their strategies on how to drain the life of each other faster than being killed by zombies. Their 'friendly fires' stopped as they cooperated to kill a boss in the game.

**IV. THE HORDE**

1:OO am

After beating the game, Right 4 dead in all set of difficulties; they agreed that Right 4 dead 2 is next.

The old man behind the counter grinned as he counted the money he would soon receive from these two idiots.

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**NOTES**:I guess it's quite obvious that Right 4 dead is a parody of Left for dead. If you haven't played Left 4 dead/ left 4 dead 2 then you might not be able to relate. Hm. You could read about it in Wikipedia or something.

Thanks for reading, I'll post the second chapter as soon as I finish it.


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